7, Make That 50, Words You Can’t Say

George Carlin

Really? That’s the best you could do?

When it comes to regulating The Boy’s behavior, his mother and I rarely agree. It’s a combination of me trying to be the cool dad and her being overly concerned about everything. Granted, The Boy seems to be a target for getting in trouble. If a hundred kids are doing something wrong, he’ll be the only one who gets nailed. So this has made his mother a little more hyper-aware of anything he does–rightfully so, I guess.

The other day, I got the following text from The Boy’s mother:

“I found a list of dirty words in his pocket. I’ll let you deal with it.”

First of all, it serves him right that his mother found this list. We’ve been telling him to empty his pockets before throwing his clothes in the laundry for years. But that wasn’t my immediate thought. My immediate thought, and response, was:

“A list of dirty words? Really?”

My sarcasm must have come through because it was explained to me that he would be the one who got in trouble if the list fell out of his pocket and I needed to explain this to him. I agreed but would he really get in trouble for having a list of dirty words? I can think of a million things worse that would fall out of his pocket:

  1. Pornography
  2. Stolen answers to a test
  3. Floor plans to the local bank
  4. A note claiming a fellow classmate is gay (he actually got busted for this one)
  5. Threats to blow up the school
  6. (come on, I’m not going to list a million of them)

As long as this list wasn’t going to be read aloud in class or on the school bus, I doubt he’d get in trouble. But if he did, his mother would be the one who got the call.


Exhibit A (edited for publication)

It’s not even his handwriting. I don’t even know what some of the words mean. Ray? Chode?

I blame the media.


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